The Birds

A friend of mine works in manufacturing plant in which birds tend to make their way in through some large vehicle entrance openings. This was a particular problem for him and some other support staff. They were located on the shop floor with privacy walls but no ceiling. Many of the birds would camp out high above his work area and relieve themselves. This made the desks, computers, file cabinets, chairs, etc., a bit messy.

Soon the staff erected little cardboard huts to protect themselves. They would huddle under the huts working on their computers and occasionally hear a loud splat overhead. His management tried feverishly to come up with a solution to drive the birds out including fake owls, strobe lighting, and, worst of all, Justin Timberlake music. Even the music didn't drive the birds away but it did increase the sick leave usage.

I came up with a brilliant idea for him to pass along to his management. When I had visited an IKEA, they had covered parking. Their solution to keeping birds away was to play recordings of predatory bird calls amplified throughout the parking garage. Since my friend's company didn't have the budget for a sound system, my solution was to train each of the staff in bird calling. They could take turns every couple of minutes calling out. Here's a recording of myself with an example:

Of course, they'd have to make sure they didn't accidentally do mating calls or the place would be filled with male hawks ready for action.

Speaking of mating calls, you definitely need to read this Darwin Award out of the Dallas Chronicle before you go messing with animal calls:

A man in Sweetwater Texas wanted to see just how many bees he could attract by modifying the pitch that was emitted from his Polk Audio speakers connected to his home theater system. What he did not realize was the pitch did not attract bees in the slightest but was precisely the same sound made by the female West Texas Yak during mating season. Upon hearing this sound, a male yak showed up ready for action only to find a man sitting on one of the two Polk Audio speakers. The yak's reaction was to gore both speakers and the man. Officials on the scene were overheard saying that the man may have avoided this had he been using Realistic speakers manufactured by Tandy.

Returning the Favor

I plan to stay close to my kids. When they are grown and married, I will pay particular attention to when they may be planning some intimate time alone with their spouses. I will go to each of their houses at those particular times, knock on the front door, tell them I can't sleep and ask if I can have a glass of water.

Morality

I'm sitting here typing as my kids watch Pooh. Normally they would be in big trouble if they said the word "pooh" but for some reason Pooh Bear is okay. This is another example of our moral decline. What if it was Pooh Bare? Is that next? Don't even get me started about how offensive Shrek was, and the sequel too. What was the name of the sequel? Hmm. Oh yeah, Shrek 2.

They just don't make movies like they used to. You know. Black and white. No sound. And best of all, no Brad Pitt. I hear him and Jennifer Tilly are breaking up. They just seem like a mismatch but they could make it work if we weren't in such a decline.

Speaking of mismatches, what about a sitcom and Charlie Sheen? They seem incompatible, and they are. What does this have to do with morality? It's immoral to produce such a show.

I also felt this food show I was watching the other night was immoral but I soon found out it was Emeril.

By the way, who is the Doofdaddy?

Pope Thoughts

So we established in a previous posting that the Pope John Paul II loved Tang. That got me to thinking. They still sell Tang but it is not in the same jar as when we I was a kid. It would be an old jar if it was. But I mean the packaging is different. I remember getting a toy lunar rover with a jar of Tang. They should sell it now with a toy Pope-Mobile. I also remember when they used to sell these food supplements that the astronauts ate. We got some free ones with a jar of Tang. They were these tan colored chewy sticks about four inches long that kind of had a bland caramel/peanut butter taste. There was nothing special about them other than the astronauts ate them. And that was the craze back then. Everyone wanted to be like an astronaut. They wanted to drink Tang. They wanted to eat those supplements. They wanted Barbara Eden.

For more Pope thoughts from the doofdaddy, click here.