Colds

My son had a cold. I asked him how his cold was doing. He responded by saying, “Oh, it’s doing great. It’s taking over my whole body!” Just what is the deal with colds anyway and why does God allow this evil? Of course, as a kid I didn’t find them so awful because I could stay home from school and watch The Price is Right. I always loved when that lederhosen clad figure would climb the price mountain. Yodelayheehoo!

I had a cold once that developed into a sinus infection and a fever. The doctor told me my body was trying to fight off the “bug” by creating more mucus and raising the temperature of my body. Then he prescribed medicine that lowered my body temperature and dried up the mucus and phlegm. Where’s the logic and why does the word “phlegm” seem like the perfect word for phlegm? It sounds like a mucousy word.

Sometimes the phlegm builds in your throat and it is difficult to swallow or spit it up. It just seems to like to hang around in your throat. While at work, I have been known to cough something up and ask employees I’m not very well acquainted with if I can spit in their garbage cans. It’s a good way to break the ice.

I once had a chest cold when I was in Newfoundland that was so bad it felt like I was coughing up chunks of my lungs. I wound up traveling all the way to Seattle in that condition so I’m sure there were many Air Canada customers with lung problems after that.

On a different occasion, I had a very bad cold as I was flying to Hawaii. When I landed it felt like I had walked into a giant humidifier (its very humid in Hawaii). Cold was cleared up and I went to see Journey in concert in Honolulu the next night with my sister. Don’t stop believin’!

Yet another time I flew to St. Louis with a cold and ear infection. I remember the old days when they would put drops in your ears and presto, the earache was gone. Now they give you antibiotics and tell you to suffer for a few days. My ear was killing me as we descended. I requested through the steward (a male stewardess) to have the captain call in an aerial refueling tanker so we could circle until the antibiotics kicked in (no ear drops, you see). My request was denied. I’m never flying Pan Am again.